Travel plans and how they successfully unravel...

I've been planning to go back to the US for over a year ago - since it was told to me i HAD to go back to attend a wedding - i was so stoked that someone actually wanted me somewhere... well besides Brian...lol

Having a child with ASD in particular means you can't just surprise them with something on the spur of the moment and expect them to be all peachy about it - it's actually suicidal!! Not telling them would cause all types of psychiatric issues as well, so have been speaking about it almost from the time of the verbal invite... All of my children (except Matthew because it doesn't directly impact upon him since he lives interstate) have been spoken to, consistently, about where i am going, how i am getting there, the airline, what will i eat, what will i do, what am i going to wear, who will i see - the questions are endless..

I pull Google maps up all the time to show them the distance and how long the flights take and where i change flights - if you can think of a question, i have answered it at least five times to each child, and then of course the occasional friend will also get curious, which i think is great too!!

But i leave in four days now, the reality is setting in, and we are starting to get the tears and the mournful looks - as if me feeling guilty about much needed time out wasn't bad enough LOL i know it's just a child thing, to get me to change my mind; it won't happen, and they just don't want to be without me for a week... They are scared because i'm all they have had for years, and i am nervous because, well, what if? Nothing will happen, and i know that between Brian, Angie, Tiffany, Stacey and Trista Rae my wishes will be carried out if disaster strikes!

So i am all but packed, now it's just the tiny things like phones and phone chargers, paperwork, pressies and what am i wearing!!! LMAO

Thursday cannot come fast enough...

Beauty, single mums, and dating..


Ah yes, we can't help it, we do like to look nice for ourselves and our fellas, and in the world we live in, force fed imagery of perfection brought on my much nipping, tucking and airbrushing, we set ourselves unrealistic expectations of how we should look, and how we really do... We think a day of beauty, we think the image above... The reality for some of us though, is more like this...



Slather everything on at once and hope the kids don't figure out you are taking a little you time... Me, my kids have an inbuilt radar, i swear it!!!

I decided to be a little more cleverer today and do everything all at once, it seemed logical to me anyway - however i don't have a brain of a 7yo autistic boy, 6yo clingy and curious daughter, and a 4yo grandson who follows the 6yo everywhere...

So i start mixing my hair dye, the hypnotic red i have had it for about 6 years now and i decided i would also spray myself all over with hair removal cream at the same time.... i also decided so my hair wouldn't fall down and flop about i would wrap my head in cling wrap and keep it all "nice"... so away i go...

Dye nicely through my hair, grab the wrap and start to wind it around my head... This is when Mz 6 spotted me and screwed her face up... "Mummy, what are you doing?" "I'm making sure my hair stays on my head Brielle and so does the red - i don't need it to fall into my eyes and cause me pain!" "No Mummy, that would be silly! Why are you using the plastic for Mummy?" "I just told you Brielle, sweetie" "Oh okay, so you don't get a sore eye?" *insert grumbling* "No, Brielle, so the dye doesn't drop and dribble everywhere and i don't get red all over my face" "But Mummy, your face is always red cause you have old skin!" *steam and grumbling now* "Okay Brielle, i'm thinking of going Trick or Treating, even though i am a week late, and i thought i would go dressed as a strawberry lollipop!" "Wow Mummy, you will look awesome!!"

Yes, humour provides me much comfort and also a much needed release - the sarcasm button allows me not to flip my lid!! LOL

So i go and get myself all set up to do my legs, music playing, fresh towels, and i start to spray the hair removal foam and i hear the door open behind me - it's Mz 6 again coming to investigate, and i have no where to run... At this stage i am thanking all the deities i decided to keep a loose fitting dress on or my butt would have been hanging out for them all to see!! She's looking around and checking out every single nook and cranny where this stuff is - "can i help you Brielle?" "No Mummy, i'm just looking!" "I noticed - ummm i really need alone time right now because you don't need to see all this yet!" "Mummy, can i have a drink?" "Yes you can Brielle, but you need to get it!" *Brielle grumbles* "No Brielle, you can do and have been able to for two years now, go get a drink of water!" "But Muuuuuuuuuuuuuuum.... i'm tired!" *stern look* "Brielle, find a straw then and sip from the toilet if your hands are incapable of clasping a cup at this time of morning and remember you woke me up at 6!! Now leave the bathroom and let me have some private time or you are gonna see things you haven't since the day you were born!!"

She left - she felt me start foaming at the mouth and the can was not in my hands... This is when i lament not having respite or family to palm the kids off to for a few hours; i love my kids dearly, but it's been my experience that what your daughters see Mummy's doing to "look pretty" they are going to copy you regardless of their age...

So she leaves and i pick up the plastic spatula and start to remove it all and the door opens again and it's Alex; "Grandma, Brielle said you were in here!" "Congrats Alex, you found me, now go and have a treat from the cupboard and shut the door behind you!" *sighs* Yes, bribery is not beyond my arsenal of secret parenting strategies...

And of course, as soon as i step into the shower to remove the dye from my hair, the door opens once again; "What are you doing Mummy?" "Painting hunni, did you get your drink yet?? Shut the door and do it please!"

Shower stops running and i start drying myself off and the door opens again and Alex wanders in with Brielle behind him - "Alex needs to go to the toilet Mummy!" "Of course he does, i understand completely. I also understand that we have two toilets in the house and the other one that is unoccupied and 5 steps away is totally unacceptable for him to use!" LMAO It is a wonderful feeling to be loved (re:smothered) by your children, but ya know - sometimes you just want to break out the duct tape and paint them silver!! *grins*

I've decided i have accomplished as much as i am going to today - the yeti has disappeared and i don't look all grey and haggared... mission accomplished - sorta LOL eyebrows tomorrow and toe nails... and i have to admit, i like being a girl, and i like feeling pretty, even if only for a little while... i don't feel i am some kind of glamour, or a beauty queen; i feel quite ordinary most of the time to be perfectly honest, but i do like that self satisfaction of a younger looking you smiling back at you in the bathroom mirror after you finish applying gels and make up...

Somedays, i like being me!!! It's worth the "attention" LOL

Communication shutdown!!

Why on earth would i participate?? Why would i consciously cut myself off from friends and family and pay $5 for the privilege of buying one of those red round circles?? Am i mad???

Well yes and no - my sanity is always under question for the sheer fact that i do have so many children and my patience continually being stretched beyond the realms of normal human parameters!! I seem to constantly find myself in situations that on the surface simply do not exist - my life seems to be symbolic of urban legend!! If there is a kink in the system i sure as heck and going to find it!! LOL

But i did it under the guise of trying to fool myself i could for even a few hours understand what it is like for my son every minute, every day, every year of his life. Did i get a feel for it?? Not really - i was more concerned for my friends who were also participating in the shutdown and wondering how they were coping... i'm sure i also have friends betting on if i can last 24hrs without facebooking - i'm blogging people so yes, even though i am sharing, i am not networking on Facebook LMAO I'm deluding myself sitting here believing someone, somewhere, is actually a little despondant i'm not "available"... LOL cheeky - yes, that is me!!!

There has even been dissension in the Autism Army between shut down and speak out!! Recovered Autism sufferers (not cured, that will never happen, recovered is the correct terminology) didn't want to be silent - they wanted to revel in the fact they had worked hard and they wanted to blog to their little hearts contents and scream from the rooftops - and i wholeheartedly agree with them... the dream of my struggling son being literate enough to blog and share his story sends chills up my spine - i would sell my soul to see that happen!! But there seems to be a "war" about staying silent, and speaking out - why???

Why is there this desire for there always to be one correct way in approaching things?? And then why belittle and ridicule others for choosing to take a different approach - we are on the same side here guys!!!!! We are all after the same thing - acceptance, understanding and tolerance. Seems very little chance of that happening from where i sit right now!!

The key thing we are all fighting for is Autism Awareness - whether you have PDD NOS, aspergers, autism, or one of the other variations that comes under the ASD umbrella, you are all on the same team. And then there are the rest of us in the battle - the silent (okay not so much) army, the carers!! Mums, Dads, grandparents, aunts, uncles, siblings, foster parents and paid/voluntary carers who so desperately wish and hope and pray that one day we find that miracle breakthrough treatment - that treament that opens their worlds and allows their child to function on a so called "normal" or acceptable level for society.

Could you imagine what could be accomplished if people stopped infighting and bickering, for one day, and stood united under the one flag?? It's time for people to strive beyond the "normal" and reach for the extra-ordinary; accept there is more than one way to fry an egg and dance and scream out; "We are Autistic, love us the way we are, not how you want us to be!"

Ah well, a girl can dream can't she...

Just as well some of us aim high - i believe we can make it happen, if only for one day in a lifetime....