My Connor, what can i say - he has kept me a very busy lady the last few months. Tests, therapies, meetings, meltdowns, transitionings, all these wonderful things that they forgot to mention in the book "Raising your ASD child 101" LOL
And of course i have had the school issues for Mz 16yo, the counselling for her and also therapies for Mz 6yo... to say i am beyond exhausted is an understatement. This role of a single Mum is never easy and less so when you have children with special needs.
Sleep deprived, no time for self; some days you wonder if it is really worth chewing through the restraints! The lead up to going away and the challenges that brings for me as well - it's not as simple as you would think!! You exchange one set of anxieties for a totally new set and you pray to the stars that Spirit is watching over you all, and all will be okay! But i have come to realise, i do need time out for me, and to not feel bad about it...
So, my little boy, has had a regression this year, which i suspected, however i hoped i was wrong - what can i say, i know my kids... his latest report has placed him as from PDD NOS (which was news to me but never mind - it means that label he was too social to be strictly autistic) to now fitting neatly under the autism label... *sighs* yeah great more funding and resources for the school, but kinda devestating to a Mum who gives everything she has into her son, to be told sorry, it hasn't been enough!! I felt very defeated, was distraught for a few days, and still am when i think about it - no one likes to be told they failed on any level...
But i keep pushing on, even if it is only treading water for the moment - i need to rethink my approach with him and introduce something new... I will never quit where Connor is concerned - never!!!
But with the advent of travel and the world the way it is, and the tragic loss of a dear friend recently has made me sit and think about my kids, and what would happen to them if the unthinkable happened to me!! Not a pleasant thing to think about, but you have to be realistic.. i have no will - that will be remedied this week - i now have options for my babies that i didn't before, and someone who wants them forever, not out of duty, but a burning desire to be their Dad because they are a part of me, they are a part of my package.. to have someone that genuine in my life, after all these years - i am speechless... i also asked two wonderful friends to help my daughter get my babies to him - my wishes are so important here!! They deserve a better life, and that is my desire above everything!! It doesn't matter how many ways you cut a cake, someone will always miss out - that is something i cannot afford with Connor, he is already up against it in this lifetime!! They all have been with only me for so long... He and Brielle have a huge adoptive family waiting for them (and Trista Rae, Matt and Stace if they so desire) to raise them the way i want - a social conscience, respect, dignity and the ability to look through the cover and see what is hidden beneath.... to make a difference to every life that they touch, and every person they meet...
So many decisions to be made lately, and so many more yet to come... if you had told me a year ago my life was going to become the way it is i would have laughed at you... to see the sunshine trying to break through the clouds that hover overhead right now keeps me going - to know that my dreams are slowly becoming a reality keeps me motivated... to know that i continue to touch hearts drives me forward... to know my fairy tale is waiting for me right around the corner is a dream come true...
And of course i have had the school issues for Mz 16yo, the counselling for her and also therapies for Mz 6yo... to say i am beyond exhausted is an understatement. This role of a single Mum is never easy and less so when you have children with special needs.
Sleep deprived, no time for self; some days you wonder if it is really worth chewing through the restraints! The lead up to going away and the challenges that brings for me as well - it's not as simple as you would think!! You exchange one set of anxieties for a totally new set and you pray to the stars that Spirit is watching over you all, and all will be okay! But i have come to realise, i do need time out for me, and to not feel bad about it...
So, my little boy, has had a regression this year, which i suspected, however i hoped i was wrong - what can i say, i know my kids... his latest report has placed him as from PDD NOS (which was news to me but never mind - it means that label he was too social to be strictly autistic) to now fitting neatly under the autism label... *sighs* yeah great more funding and resources for the school, but kinda devestating to a Mum who gives everything she has into her son, to be told sorry, it hasn't been enough!! I felt very defeated, was distraught for a few days, and still am when i think about it - no one likes to be told they failed on any level...
But i keep pushing on, even if it is only treading water for the moment - i need to rethink my approach with him and introduce something new... I will never quit where Connor is concerned - never!!!
But with the advent of travel and the world the way it is, and the tragic loss of a dear friend recently has made me sit and think about my kids, and what would happen to them if the unthinkable happened to me!! Not a pleasant thing to think about, but you have to be realistic.. i have no will - that will be remedied this week - i now have options for my babies that i didn't before, and someone who wants them forever, not out of duty, but a burning desire to be their Dad because they are a part of me, they are a part of my package.. to have someone that genuine in my life, after all these years - i am speechless... i also asked two wonderful friends to help my daughter get my babies to him - my wishes are so important here!! They deserve a better life, and that is my desire above everything!! It doesn't matter how many ways you cut a cake, someone will always miss out - that is something i cannot afford with Connor, he is already up against it in this lifetime!! They all have been with only me for so long... He and Brielle have a huge adoptive family waiting for them (and Trista Rae, Matt and Stace if they so desire) to raise them the way i want - a social conscience, respect, dignity and the ability to look through the cover and see what is hidden beneath.... to make a difference to every life that they touch, and every person they meet...
So many decisions to be made lately, and so many more yet to come... if you had told me a year ago my life was going to become the way it is i would have laughed at you... to see the sunshine trying to break through the clouds that hover overhead right now keeps me going - to know that my dreams are slowly becoming a reality keeps me motivated... to know that i continue to touch hearts drives me forward... to know my fairy tale is waiting for me right around the corner is a dream come true...
Oh Chelle. I'm so sorry. I can totally empathize. My son was Aspergers at age three and severely Autistic by age 7...and the suffering he endured along the way is traumatic to even think about. Has you son had an EEG. The cause of my son's severe regressions were undiagnosed 24/7 Petite Mal seizures that went undiagnosed too long and affected brain development.
ReplyDeleteyeah he has - no seizure activity thank goodness - time to go back to where i started i think... when i started many years ago i had Connor on a course of flower essences and he hasn't had them for a few years now - so next goal is to buy a box of the Bach Essences and start to make him some drops up... those with the PECS and Makaton bought him along in leaps and bounds!! He's also finally had an OT assessment and they are going to help me with behaviour strategies and they are also recommending i do a few courses as well.... LOL i will do it like i always do... i said to a friend yesterday i'm just an over achiever and she laughed at me - darn cape chokes me!!!
ReplyDeletethank you for asking though - i know he will come right, but i now have a sinking feeling it isn't going to be as long as i am doing this solo, which isn't good on one hand, but is good on the other... life is such a double edged sword LOL xxx :o)