The Grenade after the Event

WOW!!!!

I go away for a week and that week has totally turned my life inside out and upside down - in the most wonderful way possible.

I am now officially engaged to my Cowboy - we can publicly talk about wedding plans - but most things had been discussed long before the event on the 12th November, 2010!!!

I have come from a background that is less than loving and supportive!!! It was quite destructive most of it to be frank, and in a lot of ways it made me strong, but it also darn near killed me too...

Take someone and plop them into an environment where someone just wanted to take care of you, speak to you, touch you, and share you (okay he needs practice with that but we did only have five days LMAO); and it wasn't just Brian, it was almost every single person i met while i was there, who was the same... that sense of belonging somewhere finally wasn't a dream, it was a reality!! The surreal part was it was MY reality... i felt so blessed and i am first to admit, i did not want to come home to my life...

But it has changed me - i was told a year ago to "judge people as harshly as i judge myself" and i am finally able to view that comment for all that it is worth... I am tired of one sided friendships, i am tired of people taking my words and twisting them around to serve their own purposes, i am tired of being looked at like i am "Ms Wonderful Who Doesn't Have A Worry"... i am always there for others, usually at the detriment of myself and my kids, and some people do not care, and a few actually demand i be there when they want!! Believe it or not, some DEMAND that their trivial issues are more important than my life...

I like to help people - no, i LOVE to help people; it is my passion and it is one of my life purposes.. i LOVE teaching/learning/sharing with people, because there are so many ways to cut a cake... i also know who LOVES me and who is actually interested in how i feel - these people know my life; how much you know of my life is in direct proportion to the effort you put into the "friendship" ... so if you have no idea what is going on, for me, that is up to you to remedy... quite simple really!!

I value everyone i meet, everyone i see, i love them without question, flaws and all, and it's hard to take, knowing that same consideration is not shared with me... I don't know when this world became so shallow... it's very sad...

They say you get back what you give out - my well has been dry for years... my spousal type person encourages me to stop giving so much of myself, as do my nearest and dearest friends - the phrase " i can tell you what to do but you already know and anyway i'm just as bad as you" keep resonating in my ears...LOL

This Christmas i am giving myself a gift - the gift of acceptance, tolerance, understanding and unconditional love... I am also going to ask that of others as well... it is not selfish to love yourself as much as you do others - actually, if i spent as much time on myself as i do on other people, my life would be in a much better shape than it is right now...

Time for change...

And if someone doesn't like it, move along - i don't need any condescending people in my life; i'm doing my utmost to rid myself of them...

Peace, love and mung beans xxxx