It's a new day..

"Things turn out the best for the people who make the best of the way things turn out"
-- JOHN WOODEN


That statement is my status on Facebook today. Yesterday was hard. Very hard. You know the kind of day you are glad something happens but at the same time you are, in some fashion, wishing you never found out. But that would be running away from the truth, and i'm not that type of girl really..

Adverse events reported during post-approval use of Tripedia vaccine include idiopathic thrombocytopenic purpura, SIDS, anaphylactic reaction, cellulitis, autism, convulsion/grand mal convulsion, encephalopathy, hypotonia, neuropathy, somnolence and apnea. Events were included in this list because of the seriousness or frequency of reporting. Because these events are reported voluntarily from a population of uncertain size, it is not always possible to reliably estimate their frequencies or to establish a causal relationship to components of Tripedia vaccine.

And this....

It is a contraindication to use Tripedia vaccine after a serious allergic reaction (eg, anaphylaxis) temporally associated with a previous dose of this vaccine or with any components of this vaccine, including thimerosal and gelatin. Because of the uncertainty as to which component of the vaccine might be responsible, no further vaccination with any of these components should be given. Alternatively, such individuals may be referred to an allergist for evaluation if further immunizations are to be considered.

Darn...

I've already shared about Connor's reactions to the triple antigen shots; i'm so disappointed I was waved away; gutted actually. They were probably scared I would get them for malpractice or something. Worse for me the doctor I saw is no longer practising when he used to be, so I don't even know where to go to get his records now. Poo!

But as I said, it doesn't change the fact that my son is still my son, he's just been modified to a more improved version. Yes, improved. He has taught me to see with more than just my eyes, he has taught me to hear with more than just my ears, and he has taught me to love in a way I did not believe was possible. I always thought I was a good Mum; the Mum I was and the Mum I am now are worlds apart, and I attribute a huge part of that to him.

From the time Connor received his official diagnosis to today, 3 and a half years, I have had support in my house (not including my kids) for a grand total of twelve weeks, give or take a week. I'm not totally resentful of it because it has shown me that I CAN do anything, I do not need anyone when it comes to raising my kids.

But that being said, having someone to cry to when you've had a hard day – the meltdowns, the defiance and the downright nasty that can come out of that one little person, never mind the other four children who need my time as well, and my beautiful grandson – just the fact you are one person and you can only spread yourself so far before you snap; the limits I thought I had are so far gone these days. I feel I can achieve anything! Though, I still miss someone holding my hand and saying “It's going to be alright, Chelle, promise!”

I would die for my kids, and my life is geared towards giving them the best life possible I can – it is my duty as a parent. My theory is that my kids deserved a better life than I did, and sadly, as sucky as their lives have been, they have still achieved that. They know that someone loves them, no matter what. They know I will support and advocate for them, no matter what. They know I will always be honest with them, even if it is painful for them or myself, no matter what.

So what of today, how do I move on? Like always I just do. I'm a little better today than I was yesterday. No guilt – for once no guilt entered my thoughts, no self blame; I have come such a long way. However the “do not give my children that MMR needle” from my ex husband snuck in briefly. After Trista Rae having three of the blessed things, still contracting Rubella at 5 and becoming gravely ill, what do you do? You do the only responsible thing you can do – you trust those in the know and HOPE they listen to you and do not treat you like a number.

Now all I can do is share what I know to anyone who will listen, and hope they take my advice. Am I advocating no needles – no I am not. I am saying watch your children, and in particular their reactions. Push for information, find out what goes into these chemical concoctions, and make your mind up! It is not easy – being a parent can be the most thankless job in the world at times...

BUT....

there is no other job more gratifying at the end of the day...

“I love you Mummy” is more precious to me than a vault of gold bars.